Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
