so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
