just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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