I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
