ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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