my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
