i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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