remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
