The maid of honor just puked.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
