Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
