i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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