evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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