my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
