So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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