This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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