so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
