It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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