apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
