I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
