god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
