so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
