he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
