what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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