No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
