sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
