i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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