Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
