Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
