Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
