By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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