I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
