sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
