saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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