PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
