I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
