Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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