someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
