I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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