I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
