Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
worst night to have a conscience
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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