cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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