whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize