so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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