Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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