areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
