sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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