Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
