we're blogging at a bar
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
