I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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