so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
