Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
