look no pants
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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