you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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